Hearts and Minds Set Free

I am certain that there have been times in my life that I have disqualified myself from receiving or acquiring things that I should have had, whether it was a relationship, a job or anything I wanted. I wasn't familiar with the feeling of success or good things so I would sabotage those things without realizing it. I was more familiar with lack and feeling less-than so I would re-create those feelings again and again. I didn't do it on purpose, I wanted to receive, but I just couldn't. I would be in a pretty good situation and then I would find something wrong, so I would get out of it for some reason and then blame it on someone else. Having someone tell me I was my own worst enemy was the worst because I just didn't understand it at all! When we are familiar with living in defeat, lack and rejection it can feel very uncomfortable to have success. I mean it can feel so bad that we tell ourselves that we are being rejected or not accepted, just so we can get out of the

Sometimes I struggle with my faith. It happens slowly. I let in a thought that I don't even realize and before long I end up in a place and look at myself and wonder what happened to me! How did I get here? It always starts with a thought about something that has happened or something that didn't happen the way I thought it should. I let in doubt. It happens in such a subtle way. What God says about himself is truth. It is not debatable, but I question this in some way. When I allow a negative lie about God or myself to get planted in my mind, and I realize that I have done this, just the realization of it does not make everything better. It seems like the aha moment would change it all, but just as slowly as I got tripped up by the negative thought, I also will have to change the thought and be on guard for a while. It is kind of like withdrawal from anything that I have given myself over to. I will have to be on constant guard to not allow myself to slip back into the lie. I