Hearts and Minds Set Free

I am certain that there have been times in my life that I have disqualified myself from receiving or acquiring things that I should have had, whether it was a relationship, a job or anything I wanted. I wasn't familiar with the feeling of success or good things so I would sabotage those things without realizing it. I was more familiar with lack and feeling less-than so I would re-create those feelings again and again. I didn't do it on purpose, I wanted to receive, but I just couldn't. I would be in a pretty good situation and then I would find something wrong, so I would get out of it for some reason and then blame it on someone else. Having someone tell me I was my own worst enemy was the worst because I just didn't understand it at all! When we are familiar with living in defeat, lack and rejection it can feel very uncomfortable to have success. I mean it can feel so bad that we tell ourselves that we are being rejected or not accepted, just so we can get out of the

Sometimes I struggle with my faith. It happens slowly. I let in a thought that I don't even realize and before long I end up in a place and look at myself and wonder what happened to me! How did I get here? It always starts with a thought about something that has happened or something that didn't happen the way I thought it should. I let in doubt. It happens in such a subtle way. What God says about himself is truth. It is not debatable, but I question this in some way. When I allow a negative lie about God or myself to get planted in my mind, and I realize that I have done this, just the realization of it does not make everything better. It seems like the aha moment would change it all, but just as slowly as I got tripped up by the negative thought, I also will have to change the thought and be on guard for a while. It is kind of like withdrawal from anything that I have given myself over to. I will have to be on constant guard to not allow myself to slip back into the lie. I

Keeping my head in the moment can mean many things depending on different people's opinions. Some say or think that they don't want to be in the moment because the moment they are in is the pits, but I want to challenge your thinking a little bit. The reality grid that I speak of is the only true reality and that is the reality of abiding and living with Jesus who lives inside of me. How do I do that you might ask? For me, when I realize my thoughts are taking off full speed ahead I have to pull them back to myself. I stop and say No! I can't let my thoughts take off alone because then I have now left not only my body but I have also left the only true reality there is, and that is He who lives inside of me! If I go off in my head on a journey without Him I usually get myself into a dangerous neighborhood where no one should go alone. Not only that but the only time I can really be focused on the present reality and what I need to be taking care of right now, is to not

There came a time in my life when no matter how much I had lost, how much I had seen, how much people abandoned, deceived or rejected me, no matter how much I looked at with my eyes or what I thought in my mind, I knew that deep inside of me Jesus was the way, the truth and the life. My mind could come up with all kinds of, "but what about this and what about that," and all I could say was, In my heart I knew in my knower that Jesus was it. I know inside and so no matter what anyone says, or has done to me and no matter what I have seen in others or no matter how many people let me down, or even when I think God has let me down, I know in my knower, deep in my heart that Jesus is the way. Jesus is it for me! It really doesn't matter what my head says to me about the present situation or about any situation at all, all that matters is that I put my hand in His and go where he leads me. I just need to stay with Him, be in Him and Him in me. There is a war that goes on in m

I have been really struggling with a person in my life for some time now. I have had the hardest time with this person than anyone I have ever had in my past it has seemed like. I have tried everything that I know to help myself with this person, but the weight has just gotten heavier no matter what I have done. I wrote before in a previous writing that I realized that it was okay not to like someone, but that realization did not help me get past the problem with this person. I finally got so overwhelmed that I pretty much crashed and burned. It didn't seem possible that this could have happened but it did. Then I had a realization.I realized that I was carrying something that wasn't mine.  I remembered reading something about this issue in books about Codependency. I didn't really understand it though at the time. I knew I had a big tendency to feel responsible for others peoples pain but I didn't realize that I could actually start to carry someone else's shame

For a lot of my life I operated out of need. I would have argued with you if you told me that because I looked at myself as a caring, giving person. I cared deeply for hurting people and what they went through. I wanted to help them. But, when it came right down to it my need for something out of it was greater than my love. I don't think that made me bad. It came out of a broken place; a place of lack. A place of emptiness. I wanted to love, but I didn't have it in me. I wanted to show the love of Jesus to others but instead there was a big gaping hole inside, so the need in me was bigger than the love I could give to others. There were many things I tried to fill that lack with, but none of them ever worked. Even at my very best times of loving and giving to others, there was still a nagging ache inside that it was really about me. I needed to be needed. I needed to please to get approval. I needed to be validated. I needed to be special. At the same time I wanted to be someo

I am sharing this with others so if anyone has struggled like I me I can help. Maybe you won't have to go through all I did to be helped.  Some people are pretty hard-headed, thick-skinned and not affected very easily by things. Others are so super sensitive to people, places and things and they are affected by many things. Some people need to be hit over the head before they see something about themselves that needs to change, but there are others who see all of their faults. Faults that aren't even real and they are always looking for even more. Some people's minds dissect everything and find themselves coming up short and then beat themselves up mercilessly for it.   I suffered a lot of my life with thinking I was doing something wrong. This is a lot bigger than someone who is just insecure. I certainly was insecure, but it is more like no matter what I did I could not be clean enough. Some people can't be clean enough in the physical, and they keep washing

If you are someone who struggles with anxiety I have a few tips that might help you. When you wake up in the morning do not think about anything you have to do today, anything you should do today or anything at all beyond the very moment you are in. The closest thing to the moment is your breathing. Pay attention to your breathing and the rise and fall of your belly as it breathes. Put your hands on your belly and feel your breathing. Also it helps to remember that the Lord is inside of your every breath. If you have to go to work you don't have to think about it yet. You are not there yet. You just have to get up and get ready. Don't put your mind on anything except where you are right at this very second. Thinking about anything beyond this very moment is as taking a big spoonful of poison, because that is what it is to you. God gives us grace for the moment and His presence is in this moment. It is a much better place to reside than to be thinking of where you are going to

I have been asked a few questions lately and I wasn't sure of the answers because certain things I just do automatically now, so I started pondering and examining my process. Hopefully I can help people understand better and maybe I will help myself in the process. I have said many times that we need to feel. Feeling our feelings is how we heal. We have to feel to heal, yes, but should we feel every feeling that comes our way? I have come to the realization that I don't think we do. I will explain. Besides the truth that we have to feel to heal it is also true that our beliefs and thoughts create what we feel, so if we are thinking about something that is negative, distorted or untrue about  a situation and it creates feelings of uneasiness, those are not feelings to feel. We don't want to sit and make friends with feelings that were created by lies and distortions. That is not a good thing. There is a time to feel and there is a time to change our self-talk (what y

There was a time that I lived in my head in the future and/or the past. I was never in the present. It is impossible to be present to myself, others or to God if I am living in the future or the past. I didn't realize that if I was living in my head looking at the past or trying to figure out the future and how I was going to make it through something, then I was the one in control. I didn't realize that I lived in my head until the day when my head was so neurotic that I decided I couldn't listen to anything going on up there at all anymore or I was going to really be insane. My thinking about God, others, myself, the world and pretty much anything was all negative and distorted and I had to quit listening to any of it. Somewhere deep inside of me I knew that there was a God and a kingdom that lived within me. I decided I was not going to listen to anything my head was saying to me about God, others, myself and the world but I was going to just live in this moment focuse

My biggest wish in this life is that people would quit listening to and having conversations with the lies that run through their heads. That people would just say to their own heads, "No" I will not talk to you anymore because you are not nice to me! I am so serious right now! People spend so much time being mad at the enemy when all along the enemy is themselves. He doesn't have to do a thing because we do it to ourselves. We listen to the lies about ourselves and then we have these conversations with ourselves. I did it for so long so I know this is true. I see people wasting their lives in torment because they are spending their time reasoning with lies and distorted beliefs in their heads. Instead we need to say "No" to those conversations in our head and turn our attention directly to Jesus. Imagine Him standing there with you. Say, "No" to the conversation and visualize Jesus instead! Turn our attention to Him, really see Him! We have to stop t

I have been struggling and praying about some issues in my life for the last few months and I believe that I finally have some breakthrough on it.  It all started when I found myself not liking someone. I mean really not liking them. I did not feel right about this at all. I figured there must be something about me that needed to change. This person was probably mirroring something in me that I did not like about myself. I came up with all kinds of things that it could be that I needed to heal from. After a few months of doing this and praying for healing and to be able to love this person, it seemed to be getting worse instead of better. I was really looking to God to understand what the heck was going on. What I realized is that, it is okay for me not to like someone. Sometimes there are people we just don't like. The problems that came during this time was with my thinking, because for some reason I was having thoughts that everyone else around me shouldn't like this

There are times when just walking out the door to face the world seems like the hardest thing I have ever done. This last Monday morning was like that for me. It seemed impossible that anything could make me okay. I got out the door and got into my car to go to work with heaviness all over me. It was then that I got clear in my focus because I remembered there is a deep reservior inside of me where my Lord lives. I can go hide in there with Him and face the world together, but first I have to quit looking at my circumstances, quit putting any attention on anything else but the reality that He is living inside of me. The more I look at my day or what I have to do, the less strength that I have, but when I turn my awareness to Him living inside of me and off of what could be out there waiting for me, everything clears up and my strength returns. He is deep inside me and I can stop and turn my attention there and stay connected with Him all through my day. Him and me together. Thi

If I have allowed someone to treat me in a way that I shouldn't have, a way that is negative and/or abusive, and maybe I have allowed this behavior many times in my life, but now I see it, now I am aware of it, and I say to myself, "I will never allow myself to be treated this way again." It seems like a good thing to me to say this, but is it really? Another negative is just going to the other side of the negative spectrum, but it is so easy to get into that trap. Protecting ourselves in our minds can become a fortress of bitterness and fear. It builds up a wall against us and others, and we make ourselves the protector. Really, we aren't strong enough to do that! No one can protect themselves from future hurts. No one is big enough, if even they think they are. Recently I went through this very thing. I allowed myself to be talked to in a way that I should not be talked to. Most of my life I would have ignored it, stuffed it or worse act like it didn'

I realized that there is a part of me that I have been hiding from. For a very long time I have not wanted to admit to myself that I am sensitive. Of course, being sensitive can be a good thing. It helps me to be sensitive to others who are hurting or in need. Other people might not notice someone who is hurting, but I notice because of my sensitivity to others. That is the part of my sensitivity that I am okay with. That is the pretty part of being sensitive. The part of being sensitive that I am not okay with is getting my feelings hurt very easily sometimes. This is the part of me that I have tried to ignore. For some months now I have been working on accepting parts of myself that I have chosen to reject. Going back to my frozen parts and revisiting old wounds that I stuffed away, the parts of myself that I have rejected. The parts that pop up unexpectedly when someone or something pushes a shame button and my sensitive self reacts. I have been realizing that I can’t run away from