BOUNDARIES

If I have allowed someone to treat me in a way that I shouldn't have, a way that is negative and/or abusive, and maybe I have allowed this behavior many times in my life, but now I see it, now I am aware of it, and I say to myself, "I will never allow myself to be treated this way again." It seems like a good thing to me to say this, but is it really? Another negative is just going to the other side of the negative spectrum, but it is so easy to get into that trap.

Protecting ourselves in our minds can become a fortress of bitterness and fear. It builds up a wall against us and others, and we make ourselves the protector. Really, we aren't strong enough to do that! No one can protect themselves from future hurts. No one is big enough, if even they think they are.

Recently I went through this very thing. I allowed myself to be talked to in a way that I should not be talked to. Most of my life I would have ignored it, stuffed it or worse act like it didn't really happen, but in a very short time later I realized what had really happened, and I looked at the kind of behavior that I had ignored for most of my life.  This time though, I confronted it. This was big progress for me. Big! The problems came with what I said to myself after that. What we say to ourselves about a situation causes us more of the problems than what actually happens. I said to myself, "I will never allow myself to be treated that way again!" It seemed powerful at the time, but I started to realize that I wasn't feeling peaceful. Instead fear had crept in. Protecting myself from future hurts by saying those things did not really protect me, it built a walled fortress. The problem with living in a walled fortress is I was now on the lookout for another enemy, so I could make sure they weren't going to hurt me also or again.

Strength comes from the inside. I know I have to say positive things to myself and change my self-talk, but the words - I will never allow - is not positive, it is another negative and who wants another negative. It is important to acknowledge my weakness to myself, and really feel it and share it with my Lord who lives in me, it is much better to do this than to live in denial and pretend something didn't happen, but putting on my boxing gloves and building a wall of - I will never allow this again - will keep us isolated and fearful instead of protected.

It is so easy to make friends with bitterness and fear. If I put myself behind the wall of - I will never allow this to happen to me again - it will keep me away from others, and we need others. When we have allowed ourselves to be treated in an abusive way, it is difficult not to build up the fortress in our minds to protect ourselves, especially if we have been allowing abusive behavior for a long time. Of course, I am not saying to stay in an abusive relationship where you are in physical danger. You need to run for safety if there is a risk of physical harm from others, or ourselves. I am talking about the verbal abuse that we allow in our lives. I am speaking of abusive relationships as an adult. Children are helpless and abuse happens to them. Once we get to be an adult, abusive behavior towards us, is a choice that we except. I had a very hard time with this in the past. It didn't feel like I had a choice in the matter. I felt helpless, but I came to realize that I was not helpless. I didn't have to allow myself to be abused or mistreated. I felt helpless was when I believed that I needed the other person to be okay. That was not a conscience choice, but it was my inner belief. When I realized I did not need anyone else to be okay, except the Lord living inside of me, then I was no longer a victim. I could now make a choice.

Wherever we are right now, and whatever situation we find ourselves in, we have to know that no one can protect themselves from tomorrow. Tomorrow comes for all of us and knowing how to deal with the tomorrow, whatever comes our way is what matters. Strength does not come from hiding behind the fortress in our minds of - I will never allow this again - but it does comes from hiding and abiding in the only one who can help us with whatever tomorrow may bring.

Stay in the moment with the Lord, and feel those feelings related to what we have experienced, or stay with the pain of knowing what I have lost because I have allowed myself to put up with something for so long. Grieve the loss, but at the same time, stay in that moment with the Lord inside. Share that pain with Him on the inside. Trust Him to be there with you in the next moment, whatever comes along. That way I can put down my boxing gloves, get out of my boxing-ring fortress that I have built, and really live. I can rest from the war that rages in my mind when I think it is my job to protect myself from the future. Protecting myself from the future is not even possible. No one has control of the future but the Lord, and He promises to be there with us if we will let Him be. Hiding in the Lord right now and in every now moment forevermore, is where I want to live. Trusting Him for the next moment and even for my next breath is my reality. Any time I start thinking I can protect myself from being hurt again, I am becoming God in my life, or trying to anyway! We are not even in control of our next breath, so how can we protect ourselves. If I keep my head every moment focused on the Lord who lives and abides in me, then whatever danger comes my way, in any way, I will be hiding inside with Him, and He is big enough to care for me. There is no other safety than Him. If I start to think I can protect myself from future hurts, then I am only fooling myself. My favorite says is, "No matter what, me and the Lord can handle it together one second at a time." It is my favorite because it has set me free! Free from emotional and mental bondage which causes spiritual bondage as well. It is in letting go and abiding in Him now, that I have peace and freedom. Trying to protect myself with my own thinking creates bondage and walls.

When I get hurt by someone else it is easy to forget to abide and rest, but my lack of peace helps me to remember to get back to my place of rest in Him and that is so much better. I don't ever want to live anywhere else! Once I started learning to live like this it became easier to recognize when I wasn't living there. Dis-ease became so apparent. I don't want to live anywhere else but with my attention focused on Him. With my inner awareness focused on Him, I can go through my day holding onto Him, holding His hand on the inside, and get through anything I need to, each and every moment. One at a time.

Brush off the cobwebs that hang onto your mind! Tell Him, "I will trust You!" "You and me can do it together one second at a time!" He really is the air that we breathe!

#hearts #minds #setfree #freedom #jesus #love #protection #peace #head #inside