Hearts and Minds Set Free

There are times when just walking out the door to face the world seems like the hardest thing I have ever done. This last Monday morning was like that for me. It seemed impossible that anything could make me okay. I got out the door and got into my car to go to work with heaviness all over me. It was then that I got clear in my focus because I remembered there is a deep reservior inside of me where my Lord lives. I can go hide in there with Him and face the world together, but first I have to quit looking at my circumstances, quit putting any attention on anything else but the reality that He is living inside of me. The more I look at my day or what I have to do, the less strength that I have, but when I turn my awareness to Him living inside of me and off of what could be out there waiting for me, everything clears up and my strength returns. He is deep inside me and I can stop and turn my attention there and stay connected with Him all through my day. Him and me together. Thi...

If I have allowed someone to treat me in a way that I shouldn't have, a way that is negative and/or abusive, and maybe I have allowed this behavior many times in my life, but now I see it, now I am aware of it, and I say to myself, "I will never allow myself to be treated this way again." It seems like a good thing to me to say this, but is it really? Another negative is just going to the other side of the negative spectrum, but it is so easy to get into that trap. Protecting ourselves in our minds can become a fortress of bitterness and fear. It builds up a wall against us and others, and we make ourselves the protector. Really, we aren't strong enough to do that! No one can protect themselves from future hurts. No one is big enough, if even they think they are. Recently I went through this very thing. I allowed myself to be talked to in a way that I should not be talked to. Most of my life I would have ignored it, stuffed it or worse act like it didn'...

I realized that there is a part of me that I have been hiding from. For a very long time I have not wanted to admit to myself that I am sensitive. Of course, being sensitive can be a good thing. It helps me to be sensitive to others who are hurting or in need. Other people might not notice someone who is hurting, but I notice because of my sensitivity to others. That is the part of my sensitivity that I am okay with. That is the pretty part of being sensitive. The part of being sensitive that I am not okay with is getting my feelings hurt very easily sometimes. This is the part of me that I have tried to ignore. For some months now I have been working on accepting parts of myself that I have chosen to reject. Going back to my frozen parts and revisiting old wounds that I stuffed away, the parts of myself that I have rejected. The parts that pop up unexpectedly when someone or something pushes a shame button and my sensitive self reacts. I have been realizing that I can’t run away from ...

Long ago in a land not so far away lived a young woman who gave her life to Jesus. She finally had purpose and that felt wonderful. She had a Lord who she believed in and she believed loved her and gave His life for her. Her life changed for the better for sure, but a lot of things didn't change and some things even got worse. That young woman was me. Even though I had so much newness in my life and my life was so much better, my head was still full of obsessive fear and my tormenting fears might have actually gotten worse than before. At this point I didn't even know what my feelings were. I didn't feel my feelings at all and I was never sure what I felt about anything. The bible said that the Holy Spirit lived in me and I believed that. I even had comfort knowing that I was in Him and He was in me, but I didn't really know this was true. I didn't know it in my knower. I needed to know it inside of me, but I didn't know how. The reality of Him living in me wa...

I have mentioned in previous writings that our thoughts and beliefs create our feelings. If this is true, and I believe it is, then if we are thinking horrible thoughts we will start to feel horrible. If we are thinking something unhealthy or distorted, then distorted emotions are created from them. If we act on those feelings, it is not so good. A big mess will happen, or worse! This is why the voices in our heads are so important to take captive. We get fooled sometimes by what we listen to and by pondering on the crazy thoughts going through our heads, because they can cause us to feel something that feels real but is not based in reality. It seems like it would be hard work to change these thoughts or head ponderings, but it is easier to do the work in the moment that it is happening, than to deal with the repercussions of the messes we get ourselves into from listening to them. I was so good at making messes of things for such a long time. That is why I am trying to help others...

For a lot of my life i had nothing to give. I might do some nice, caring things for others but I couldn't give me. I had a big empty hole inside and I spent most of my waking hours trying to get someone to fill it up, or thinking about a time when someone did say or do something to fill me up. I planned in my head how I would get what I needed in the future. I didn't do all of this on purpose of course. I wanted to love others and give love like Jesus wanted me to but mostly I just needed, and I would hate myself for it. More and more I was hating myself. I knew I had a problem but I didn't know what it was or how to make it better. I carried shame with me. I wasn't good enough, smart enough or pretty enough and I wanted to be anyone else but me. When I would try and go out to love others or give to others, the big hole inside of me was looking around at everyone else asking, "Will anyone out there tell me I am okay?" "Will anyone say I am pretty or me...

Depression can come from the body being out of whack chemically, but no matter how we get into it feels like getting trapped in a place of nothingness. I believe it is when we are stuck between our heads and our feelings and we don't want to go to either place. There is no energy because we are not really in there. We are checked out. I would like to offer some help to get out of that trap. Sometimes we need medication to help but even so, we still have to get out of the trap of allowing our minds to get us to this place. I had a very hard time for a while learning the difference between what was a thought and what was a feeling. So hard that I would get angry when I was told that my feeling was really a thought. I didn't get it! When I found myself in the downward spiral into depression, I had to totally stop my thinking pattern. This was not the time to try and focus on changing my thinking to positive. My focus had to be on stopping all thinking and get out of my head. T...

For as long as I can remember I walked around with negative thoughts about myself and others going through my head.  I felt very alone in the world because I thought I was the only one like this. No one else seemed to be having this stuff in their heads. Everyone else seemed normal so I had no idea. My family never talked about what was going on in their heads. I heard plenty of opinions from people but no one talked about the crazy things they say to themselves or the things that run through their minds. I believed everyone was okay except for me. I now know that many people walk around with negative, shaming things going through their heads. People also blame others for their problems and make it the other guy's fault.  There are many areas that people struggle with. We try and reason things out through our skewed thinking and make bigger messes. Shame lies to us and we listen to it. The big problem is that it is all a big secret. We all have these secrets, insecurit...

I lived in my head for a long time. What really changed things for me is when I learned to stay in the moment and put my attention on the Lord who lives deep inside of me. When I changed my attention from what was going on in my head to what I was sensing from the Lord inside, my whole world changed. When I could turn my attention from my head nonsense, to get in the moment with my Lord inside, I could then be still and know He is God. I could make decisions and be present where I was. My mind is what I use to make choices, but if I am listening to the racket in my head, I will probably make a bad choice, or no choice at all and then I get stuck! When I get stuck I feel helpless and hopeless!  If I realize that I have been listening to my head, choose to stop and turn my attention deep inside me to the Lord and to what I am sensing, then the clouds will disappear and I feel free to make a choice. Some people live in their heads blaming everyone else for everything going...

I think guilt is one of the biggest hindrances in the Christian life. It has been for me and I see it trip up so many others also. Way back in the first few years of walking with the Lord I went through a time of feeling separated from God a lot. I did not think I was doing a very good job with my life. I had so many inner struggles. A prophetic man spoke into my life at that time and said he saw walls between God and me. The problem was that the walls were of my own making. It was not God. I didn’t know at that time in my life about how our thinking can put those walls up. I also didn’t know there was such a thing as false guilt. How could there be false guilt? That sounds crazy! Who would knowingly put guilt on themselves? It is false because we keep ourselves in bondage over things that God has long since forgiven and forgotten. It might even be something that we don’t even need to be forgiven for. Maybe we just think we do! It is our thinking about it that keeps the wall up. Decla...