Hearts and Minds Set Free

I was someone who struggled with rejection issues for most of my life and still do at times. People with rejection issues continue the cycle of rejection by creating their own rejection over and over. They think and fear rejection before it even happens and thus do things and behave in ways to make it happen all over again. They don't do this consciously of course, but because it feels more familiar to be rejected than loved they keep destroying the very thing that is needed so badly. It feels unfamiliar and uncomfortable to let others love us, so rejection, even though horrible, feels more comfortable or familiar. I know these things are true because I just described my life. When I was in this destructive cycle I had no idea how to stop being my own worst enemy. Now that I do know, I want to help others stuck in this cycle. It was a process to get where I am now, and I know how frustrating it is to feel so helpless to help myself. God helped me through all this, but it was not a...

I don’t know about you but I have a committee in my head and it is not my friend. It never has been and never will be! It will try and tell me all kinds of horrible, negative stuff about myself and others. It will bombard me with tortuous shaming negative crapola. I try to never listen to it or especially reason with it. It always lies. The committee gets its power from all the negative things that I have ever heard in my life about myself, or others, and the enemy uses it to try to torture me. I know now I must stop these lies in their tracks and change my self-talk immediately. I am okay right this minute and me and the Lord can do this together one second at a time. I can be successful! I can love with His love. I can be all He wants me to be, one second at a time with His power. Me and God can do this together! I am okay right now, because He is making me okay, one second at a time. RIGHT THIS SECOND I AM OKAY! Whatever it takes change the self talk. I do not let that committ...

I write and talk a lot about the committee in our heads-and not listening to it, and changing our self-talk, which are both extremely important, but the other day I was talking to an old friend about some struggles I was having, and she said something that caused me to ponder an important addition to my above sentence. She said, “When you keep hearing inside, “something is not right here, something is not right here,” it is a good idea to take notice and pay attention to what is going on.” Since then, I have been thinking about this statement and I realized that it is a missing puzzle piece for me. I needed to take notice of this because I struggle with putting up with too much, and not knowing when enough is enough. I have a tendency to put up with more than I should in situations, relationships, jobs etc. I guess it is residue from the physical, emotional and mental abuse I have lived through. ACTION I realized that sometimes we need to take action and stand up for ourselv...

One of the worst things I have done to myself, and it still can get the better of me at times, is when I am struggling with a fault, weakness or full on sin, I start to look away. Shame can quickly get the better of me and in that moment when I need to run to Him, I look away instead.  It happens very quickly if I let any of a certain kind of expectation self-talk go on in my head. Such as: I should be doing better at this by now; If I was a good Christian then I wouldn’t have these sort of problems; I need to handle these things so He will accept me or love me, I should not allow this in my life; I should do this; I shouldn’t do that; I should love more, etc. There are many ways I can have these kinds of thoughts, and I am sure that yours might look different than mine, but this kind of thinking will get me into shame. Guess what happens if I get into shame thinking? I end up looking away from the One that I need to look to! I need to look right at Him instead of trying...

I am at a place right now, where all I can do is tell myself, “No matter what, me and the Lord can do it together, one second at a time.” I have a committee in my head saying everything to the contrary, but what I know inside of me is that “me and the Lord can handle it together, one second at a time.” If I have to say it to myself hundreds of times today, I know that is where I will find peace and rest. I will put the next second in His hands and let go of it in my head. I will look to the Lord who lives in me, to be there for me in this second. And, that is all we really have. We have "NOW" with Him. Our futures and our next breath are in His hands anyway! I will rest in Him right now . I will not listen to the negative committee in my head for one second. I will rest in Him no matter what! #heartsandmindssetfree #head #hearts #minds #freedom #god #love #moment #feel

Negative beliefs create negative thoughts and negative thoughts create negative feelings! I didn’t know what to do with all that information, but I was desperate to find out. What I learned is that we all have beliefs about ourselves and others. They were implanted in us by the things we saw, the things we heard, experiences that happened and what we told ourselves that they meant. We scooped them up into our beings as facts. Are they facts? Probably not! But, that is how we get our beliefs. The only real truth is Godly truth, but even truth from God’s word can be distorted to us if it is processed through distorted filters. God is good and He loves us, but sometimes it is hard to accept this truth. Does it make it less true? No, it doesn’t, but I had very distorted ideas about almost everything, including God. If something really bad happened to us in the past, does that mean we are bad? No! But, our thoughts might try and tell us that we are. We need to challenge and change those be...

If you suffer with anxiety or depression, the first second that you open your eyes is the most important one of the day. It can make or break you! The second you open your eyes from sleep it is necessary to make sure you focus on what is right in front of you, and not any further. No thinking about anything in your day beyond that very moment. To help you put your hands on your stomach. Focus on them and watch and feel your hands going up and down on your belly as you breathe. Wiggle your toes. See and feel them. Anything in reality that you can touch, feel and see is where you should focus. Don't even try and pray, but keep your head right where you are, until you get stable. God is inside of you, and once you get your head firmly planted in the moment you are in, you will sense Him inside. Repeat to yourself what you are seeing all around you in the room. If your thoughts start to wander to anything about your day, your life, anything you have to do, or have done, or how horribl...

I was looking for a reason to feel good about myself, and I needed to know from you. The problem was when I would get what I needed from someone else, then I would need more of it, and more. Then if the person went away, or they didn’t treat me the way I thought they should, I would fall apart. It is not a pretty sight for an adult to fall apart when she doesn’t get the attention she needs from someone. You see, I had very low self-worth, and I needed someone or something else to help me to feel good about myself, something to fill up that big empty hole inside. I kept trying to get that hole filled up with many things outside of myself. I was frantic to do something special for God, or others so they would find me special. Then I believed I would be okay. Of course that is a lie so, there came a time for me when I hit the wall and I couldn’t do it any longer. God finally had me in a place where He could do some changes in me! When I came to the end of myself, and my frantic need to b...

When I start to think about the future, which is anywhere past where I am right now, and all there is to do, or all I have to handle, I start to feel a heavy weight and burden. Everything feels too overwhelming. It is especially difficult when I know I have to deal with someone else and I wonder how am I going to deal with this or that situation with them. I realized that there is no thought that I can think that is going to help me through any future situation, because it is not here yet. That doesn’t mean I don’t make a plan for tomorrow, if a plan is needed, but after that I am powerless over the rest. Trying to protect myself from tomorrow by thinking about it today does not work for me at all, but I sure used to try! I am promised His grace to make it through, but the grace I am given is for the now. He is with me forever, one second at a time. He will never leave me or forsake which means when I get to tomorrow He will go through it with me, no matter what comes my way. If my th...

One of the hardest things I ever had to face about myself was when someone said to me, "You have terminal uniqueness."  I certainly had no idea what she meant!!   Was I suffering from being terminally unique? I had no idea! I knew I needed help big time though! Terminal Uniqueness is when there is always an excuse for why my problems are different. Always an excuse for everything that I do, or for anything that happens to me, and none of it being something I can do anything about. My case is impossible because it is just so much worse than everyone else's! Not taking responsibility for being able to change because my situation is just harder! Terminal = no hope, and Unique = special. No hope for my unique case! I knew that my life had been very sad and that I experienced more rejection than most people. I knew that I could tell you every detail of my hurts, but I couldn't see that I thought I was unique.  I was always feeling sorry for hurting people. I wanted ...

I know that forgiveness is very important. Forgiving ourselves; Forgiving others. I have always heard and read in the bible that I need to forgive or I won’t be forgiven. I have really struggled to forgive those that have hurt and deceived me. I struggled for years to forgive someone that really hurt me. I got angry because I just couldn’t do it, and I don’t think I am alone in this problem. Holding grudges seems to be a source of problems for many people, especially those that have been really abused, rejected, deceived, abandoned and hurt a lot. I saw something this morning that really helped me. I saw how Jesus and Stephen dealt with forgiveness. They didn’t struggle to forgive those that did the most unforgivable act towards them, which most of us know was physical death. Instead, they both asked the Father to not hold their sin against them. Jesus in Luke 23:34 said, “Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” Stephen in Acts 7:60 said looking into heaven, “Do...

One morning last summer when I was leaving my sister’s beach house I realized that the way to my car was up a   massive amount of steps.  I looked up and was thinking to myself how far it was to get to the top. I felt tired just looking up there! Normally, steps are one of my favorite forms of exercise, but this time, I looked up at the very top before starting, and it seemed overwhelming. So I put my foot on the first step and focused on that step as I climbed, and I was reminded that i f I look at the end and try to get the strength to go to the top of the steps it can seem daunting, but if I focus on the step where my foot is, one at a time I am at the top before I know it. It is just like life! I had forgotten how much I loved doing steps when I did them one at a time. I had forgotten because I first looked at the end and was afraid I couldn’t make it up there to the top. I knew better from past experiences how the steps worked for me, but nonetheless I had forgotten...

Every day, really every minute, we make choices. We see, hear or perceive someone or something around us and either we look at it and make a judgment in our minds, or we take it to our hearts. I noticed this in myself the other day. I made a choice when I looked at someone. I started to think thoughts about them that were not nice and I chose instead to change that thought to a blessing and a prayer instead. The result was that I ended up putting it into my heart in a good way. By doing that I chose love instead. I have realized since then that I do this all the time. I never noticed how many times my first thought about someone was not a good thought. I have had many opportunities lately to practice changing a negative thought or attitude about someone to a positive thought and prayer for them. I have realized that I can turn every thought, judgment and criticism into an opportunity for loving others. Whether the other person ever knows about it or not they are being blessed by me! I...

I want to share some tools that work to get me into the moment and stop anxiety from snow balling into a full-blown panic attack. One of them is called Real Time or Reality. Reality is not what is going on in your life right now, or today or next week! Reality is this very second and not even the next second, but right now. Real Time is knowing that the real reality is living inside of you right now. Jesus is the Real Reality. Everything beyond that is the wind and the waves! If you are starting to feel anxiety the most important thing you have to do is to stop your head from racing by getting into the present moment and letting go of whatever "What if" is torturing you. Put it all in His hands and let it go. I know that sounds trite and easier said than done, but Real time is where we need to be to get into the moment and get out of our heads. We need to stop the racing thoughts that cause anxiety or fear from snowballing into a panic attack. Panic attacks or generalized an...

I have spent so much of my life looking for someone’s eyes to tell me that I was okay. Looking at others in hopes of an approving nod or a glance to tell me that I am special, unique, smart, pretty, cute or whatever. Even now that I believe I have achieved a certain level of knowing I am okay on the inside, and not needing others to tell me so, I still find myself looking at other’s eyes, looking for them to approve of me in some way. We all want others to approve of us in different areas of our lives. Women want other women to look at them and like their dress or hair. Men want other men to think that they are strong or their profession is to be desired. None of that is a problem at all, unless it is a problem! And for me, it was a problem. I needed it, and I wasted a good portion of my life focused on getting my validation from others who could never give me what I needed. When we are children the adoring looks of our parents and close family members are like mirrors that tell us we...

Having expectations of others or ourselves that don’t happen the way we want them to are usually tormenting to us. We ask ourselves why people let their children act that they, or why do they act like that. Why do I act like this? Why do they act like that? Why is usually a word that will get and keep us stuck! When I get stuck in the whys of life, it is usually because I am expecting someone else to either do or say something a certain way, or treat me or be a certain way toward me. When they don’t meet my expectations or desires, I feel hurt. It seems personal, like it’s against me. Most likely, it has nothing to do with me at all. When I make someone else’s actions, or lack thereof, about me, I set myself up for hurt. Unrealistic expectations of others are planned disappointment. So what I first do when I struggle with this issue is to recognize that I have been expecting someone else to do it my way. I take responsibility for it, and let myself feel the hurt of what it has cost me...

I have had my share of emotional and mental anguish in life, but I can’t say that ongoing physical pain is something I have not experienced much of. I have watched people I love suffer chronic pain which is difficult, but when feeling it in my own body it is quite a different story. For the last few months I have been experiencing ongoing pain of a high level. First it was by back and then my mouth (toothache). When those parts of the body are in constant pain, I found that  reading my bible was not very enjoyable because all I could feel or think about was pain. I couldn’t feel His presence because all I could feel was pain. That was hard for me. I always knew I could handle anything that came at me, because I could feel Him inside of me. What I realized is that even though I couldn’t feel Him, I knew He was there. Even when I didn’t know He was there, I chose to believe it and to turn my attention to Him. It was my choice, my direction, my will and not for any b...

I don’t know about you but I know I have suffered with responsibility issues. I would realize or be confronted with something I had either done wrong or neglected to do right, or I would find myself in the same dumb situation once again, and I would say “I am wrong, what a stupid idiot I am, I shouldn’t have done this or that, and I am dumb, how did I get in this situation again. (Of course I know these are not good things to say to myself). Then, instead of feeling the pain in my heart and grieving it, I would turn on myself and continue to say mean, shaming things to myself, about myself, or blaming and putting myself down. Maybe instead, I might do the opposite and look at someone else and blame them for the whole thing justifying myself, to myself, because the other person is just wrong. I might even apologize and say I was wrong, but if my head is blaming myself, or my head is blaming another it will profit me very little. Taking responsibility in my head only is very tormenting,...

One of the worst things I have done to myself, and it still can get the better of me at times, is when I am struggling with a fault, weakness or full on sin, I start to look away. Shame can quickly get the better of me and in that moment when I need to run to Him, I look away instead. It happens very quickly if I let any of a certain kind of expectation self-talk go on in my head. Such as: I should be doing better at this by now; If I was a good Christian then I wouldn’t have these sort of problems; I need to handle these things so He will accept me or love me, I should not allow this in my life; I should do this; I shouldn’t do that; I should love more, etc. There are many ways I can have these kinds of thoughts, and I am sure that yours might look different than mine, but this kind of thinking will get me into shame. Guess what happens if I get into shame thinking? I end up looking away from the One that I need to look to! I need to look right at Him instead of trying to take care o...

I gave my heart and life to Jesus in my early twenties. I start my story telling you this because it is the most important part. Up to this point I had struggled with obsessive thoughts, fears and very low self esteem. I was always looking for reassurance that I was special and needed. I suffered with many different things emotionally and mentally, but now that I had given my life to Jesus I thought everything would be different.  I had friends, a church, and a purpose, so how could anything be wrong. I spent a lot of time studying the Bible, going to bible studies, going to church meetings, listening to Christian radio and spending a lot of time with my new friends. I felt alive for the first time in my life. It was so fun! Then around the second year, my struggle with obsessive fears resurfaced. None of my friends knew anything about all the stuff that went on inside of me though. Two years before all of this my beautiful daughter was born.  She was...

We hear a lot about religion, or being religious. It is said by people about others, “They go to church all the time, they are really religious.” What is religious? What I believe is that religion is following a strict set of rules in order to obtain something from God, or from an organization. Following those rules and believing that if you do them well enough, or good enough, then you will attain entrance or well-being or whatever you are looking to receive. There is a big difference in being religious and living out of relationship! We do not obtain relationship with God through attending church, performing any religious act, or doing any behavior to make us good enough! Of course we might get accolades from others for performance related activities, but it certainly does not bring us any closer to God. Instead of religion let’s look at relationship. It is because of relationship with Him, and the love that He has poured into our hearts that we choose to go to church to be with ou...