HOPELESSNESS

I struggled with negative thoughts and fears that tormented me for a lot of my life. I struggled in silence, afraid to tell others because they might think I was crazy, and needed to be put away somewhere.

I remember how comforting it was when I found out that obsessive thoughts are common, that a lot of people have negative, obsessive thoughts. They usually don’t go around telling everyone about it, but they do, and I thought I was the only one. When I looked at the list of thoughts considered to be distorted or obsessive, in the “Feeling Good Handbook” written by David Burns, I was very surprised to find out that most of my thinking was distorted. I just didn’t realize how much damage I was doing to myself by letting those distorted thoughts run rampant in my head. Even if I did want to change them, I didn’t know how to stop.

I didn’t know that beliefs create thoughts and thoughts create feelings. So, if my beliefs and thoughts are distorted then they create feelings that are lying to me.

When I am feeling insecure, left-out, ignored or unappreciated by no matter who, and emotions are extreme and seem more than the situation warrants, it is usually from a faulty belief I am having about myself. Statements or thoughts like, “I Always,” or, “I Never” give a clue to distorted thinking!  Also, “I Should Have,” or “I Feel Rotten, so I must be Rotten” kinds of thoughts.

The first thing I do to help myself when I feel really bad or hopeless is to find the lie in my thinking. 

An Example: “I need that person’s attention to be okay.”

Truth: I don’t need their attention to be okay. I am okay just the way I am. No matter what me and the Lord are okay together right now.

I do this with anything troubling me. I look at what I am reacting to, instead of allowing myself to say all the horrible things to myself that I would normally say. I change it to the positive opposite. If I have trouble knowing what the lie is that I am struggling with, then I be still and ask the Lord to show me. We need to be able to see what the lie is, so we can say the opposite to ourselves. Recognize there is a lie operating, and the lie is causing us pain that probably isn’t real. It might feel real, but it is created by a lie we are telling ourselves. 

There is always a lie involved. The enemy lies to us and we lie to ourselves.

For example: “They ignored me, so I must have something wrong with me.” “They don’t like me, so it is probably something I said.” Recognize the lie and Change it to: It doesn’t matter if they like me or not, I am okay. Me and the Lord are okay no matter what, and we can handle this together. There is always self-talk going on in our heads, but it is our choice if we are going to let the truth get bigger or the lie. (By the way, what other people do or don’t do, is really not about us.)

When we feel weak and don’t think we can make it, and we are really struggling to get through. Change that to: Me and the Lord can do this together one second at a time. No matter what it is, or what we are going through.

We need to acknowledge our feelings and pain, but it is the thoughts that need to change. It is healthy to feel our feelings, but we need to feel them with the Lord. He is inside of you. Let Him feel them with you. It is the lies in our mind that need to change. Changing the thoughts will change the feelings! They need to be changed to the positive, but we can only handle them one at a time. One second at a time. If we look at the big picture, it is too big.

“Right this second me and the Lord are good!” “No matter what, me and the Lord can handle it together, one second at a time.” Say these kinds of statements to yourself hundreds of times a day, if needed!

Change our self-talk to the truth and quit feeding the lies!

One by one is the only way we can do it! One second at a time! That is all we have, the second we are in!