TERMINAL UNIQUENESS

One of the hardest things I ever had to face about myself was when someone said to me, "You have terminal uniqueness."  I certainly had no idea what she meant!! 

Was I suffering from being terminally unique? I had no idea! I knew I needed help big time though!

Terminal Uniqueness is when there is always an excuse for why my problems are different. Always an excuse for everything that I do, or for anything that happens to me, and none of it being something I can do anything about. My case is impossible because it is just so much worse than everyone else's! Not taking responsibility for being able to change because my situation is just harder! Terminal = no hope, and Unique = special. No hope for my unique case!

I knew that my life had been very sad and that I experienced more rejection than most people. I knew that I could tell you every detail of my hurts, but I couldn't see that I thought I was unique. 

I was always feeling sorry for hurting people. I wanted to take care of the underdog, save the lost and sacrifice myself for the good of those who needed me, so how could I believe I was terminally unique? It didn't seem like I thought I was special. Quite the contrary, I thought I was less than most everyone. It didn't make any sense.

For some reason though when I went for help for my problems people would give me advice and I always had a reason why their solutions would not work for me. "My story was different." "My problems were different." "Nothing anyone suggested to help me would work for me, because my issues were different than other peoples." 

I always had an excuse and a reason why I was different than others. I was not consciously believing that my problems were special, but something in me wanted others to understand how sad and rejected my life had been. I would rehearse every horrible detail in my head. I pretty much knew more about my sad life than I knew about anything else on the planet because that is what played in my mind in an ongoing basis. It was like if I put it all in place in my head that would make it all better! No!

I was the hopeless one. What worked for others wouldn't work for me because my problems were different than most peoples. No one would ever understand the amount of rejection and sadness that I had endured! That was my belief. I always had a reason why I was different. I was unique! 

This mind-set kept me in bondage. I believe this is the biggest bondage of all, because until this belief goes our head keeps rehearsing it all.  Even if there is a breakthrough in some area of life, this mindset will take us back to bondage again because of our thinking. It was a stronghold in the mindset!

I had no idea I was suffering from this disease and it was affecting me greatly. I was living in the victim role. I refused to accept that I was hanging on to the victim role. I didn’t know I was doing it. It wasn’t a role that I chose on purpose. 

Roles are a safe way to cope with things that we can't handle, and I needed that role at some point in my life. No one wants to admit they act like a victim. A victim is helpless. No one wants to feel or think helpless. 

I believed that everything just happened to me. I took no responsibility for anything, I didn't even know how to. On the other hand I would take all of the responsibility. Everything that happened was all my fault! I remember being told that I played the helpless role really well. I was looking for someone to take care of me. I didn't understand it at the time but because of my need for someone to take care of me, I drew abusive men and women to myself. It was not pretty!

Focusing on my sadness and rejection and keeping it locked away inside of me in my secret treasure chest kept me in a very separate and unique place from others. Inside my head I would say to myself when I heard people sharing about themselves, “They think they had it bad, if they only understood my sad life, if they only knew how bad it was and is for me!” 

The little conversations that I had in my head kept me in bondage and separated from others. It was a sort of protection for me. It kept me special in my mind and I needed to be special more than anything else. I was believing a lie. Instead of making me special it was making me sicker and sicker. 

My real breakthrough did not start to happen until I could let go of the poor-me mind set, and stop allowing the thinking that I was so much worse off than everyone else. It didn't matter how much rejection I had experienced, I had to stop allowing that conversation about how bad it all had been and how no one really could understand because my situation is so much worse or harder than others. It didn’t mean that all the pain I had experienced didn’t matter, it just meant that it doesn’t matter now and making it matter now, in my head, was making me sicker and ruining my present life because of what had happened in the past.

We are all different and have gone through many different things. Maybe things were worse for me than others and maybe they weren't but it really doesn’t matter. Making it matter is what was making and keeping me stuck and sick! Making it matter is what was keeping me separate and apart. It was keeping me a victim, and keeping me from experiencing a good life now. No one was keeping score, but my head was keeping score. 

I realized that the suffering I was now experiencing I was doing to myself. It is what I was making it all mean in my head that was tormenting me. It is easy to see when I look at it now, but it was the hardest thing in the world for me to accept at the time! I was my own worst enemy! Many people had said that to me in the past and I really hated it!!! 

Now I could understand what was meant! My head was my own worst enemy! It wasn't really me that was my worst enemy, it was my head and I am not my head. My head had a life of its own and it was keeping me stuck.

I now know what really matters is that I change my thinking, beliefs and mind-sets. Mind-sets are strongholds. I had to be willing to get a new mind-set. I had to be willing to let go of my uniqueness. I realized that the conversations going on inside my head needed to change. Changing the conversation that I was having with myself is how I changed my thinking, beliefs and mind-sets. My own mind needed to have a different conversation with my own head.

So, I had to stop! I had to quit allowing my head to play re-runs of how bad things had been, or how sad my life was or is. I had to recognize the conversation that was going on in my head and I had to stop it as soon as it started! I could not agree with it anymore, even for one minute. I could not afford to dine with the poison in my head anymore! I chose to look at others as no better or worse than myself. I chose not to allow my head to entertain terminal uniqueness anymore!

After I learned to stop the thoughts and recognize when I was having those victim conversations, I started saying new things to myself. I had a new, different kind of conversation with myself. “I am no better or worse than anyone else.” “Right this second I am okay and it doesn’t matter what happened before.” “There is nothing that me and the Lord can’t walk through together one second at a time.” These are examples that worked for me. One second at a time is the key!

Everyone has their own personal self-talk to change. It took me a while but when I got out from under this, I realized what a horrible bondage I had been living in and I was not going to allow any of that kind of thinking in my head anymore. I quit keeping score in my head. I would not allow any thought of all the rejections to take over any more. I was just like the alcoholic that cannot take even one sip of alcohol at all anymore. It was my disease and I could not allow one of those thoughts anymore. Allowing certain thoughts was like drinking poison for me!

If you are struggling in areas of your life and don’t understand why you can’t get on top of persistent issues, I encourage you to look at the conversations that you are having in your head and see if you might have the same problems I struggled with. They might be a different type than mine, but they have the same kinds of affects.

Listen to what is going on in your head when you listen to someone else's pain. What are you saying to yourself? Are you listening to their pain or are you thinking about how you are so much worse? 

If you believe you might have terminal uniqueness also, please do not beat yourself up! Getting mad at yourself is the absolute worst thing you can do! Instead, ask the Lord to help you see what is going on. Ask Him to forgive you and forgive any way that you have partnered with the lies. Surrender it. Let go of your grip on it and give it to God. 

Start living in the moment, inside with the Lord and share your pain with Him, the healer. Decide you will not allow the poor-me thinking conversations in your head anymore. Remember those conversations are keeping you separate and alone. Stop the voices as soon as they start and change your self-talk instead. 

Stay in the moment and get out of your head. 
It is important to know that you have to feel to heal, so if you are living in your head, it is almost impossible to heal. It is okay to feel uncomfortable feelings, they won't kill you. Instead, they will help you heal. 

Thinking about your feelings is not feeling them! If you are thinking then you are not feeling! It was hard for me to learn this, but it was life saving!

Remember letting go of terminal uniqueness does not in any way negate the pain we went through. It doesn't say that it didn't matter or that it wasn't horrible. The pain and experiences we went through were horrible and they should never have happened to us! 

Letting go of them in our heads now is stopping the past from robbing us of our present and future! 

Don’t let what happened in the past or what could happen in the future get in the way of your present anymore! It is time to get free for good!

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