PROBLEMS OVER AND OVER

Does it ever seem like you go through the same painful scenario over and over? The person or situation might look different every time, but it is really the same.

That has been my experience for a long time. I didn't understand it. I wouldn't believe it was happening! Why didn't the Lord just get rid of this and heal all my past pain? Why was I continually in these painful, upsetting situations?

There was more than one incident this week that finally opened things up for me.

There is a little Colette inside of me. She went through a lot of painful stuff, but because she couldn't deal with all the pain since she was only a little girl, she got frozen. The pain was there but she couldn't feel it because little Colette got numb! Adult Colette looks at poor insecure little Colette and she could have pity for little Colette, she could feel sorry for little Colette, but adult Colette wanted nothing to do with that little insecure Colette. Adult Colette had disowned her! She wanted nothing to do with that little Colette which was a part of her. Sad but true!

When I am around someone else with insecurities similar to mine, I don't want to be around them. I don't like them and I couldn't understand why. They were like I used to be so how could I not like them. It made no sense and I thought I was mean. I have been wondering this for years. I would get anxious around them and want to get away from them. Adult Colette was different now and adult Colette didn't want to hear or be near someone else with the same shame issues. It was just too close for comfort! Adult Colette was different now! She was a new creature in Christ! She didn't want anything to do with that old stuff!

So why do I keep getting put into the same painful scenarios that bring up all the same painful things I went through as a child and that have continued on into adulthood?

AND THEN I GOT IT

I had read about this in books like, "Changes That Heal" by Henry Cloud, but I never understood it. I had disowned that part of me that I didn't like, or the part of me that I was ashamed of. I wasn't ashamed because of what I had done, but the shame came from what was done to me, or how I was treated. I was ashamed of the little, insecure, chubby, shy, stupid, rejected Colette. I had disowned her. That part of me that I wanted nothing to do with. That frozen me inside! I just wanted her to go away! I just wanted to be this new Colette, but for some reason the old little Colette wouldn't go away!

Every time I would get into another situation, scenario or incident that was similar to the last it would bring up all the old stuff and I would find a way to get away from her once again. It seemed though that each time the situation would be accelerated and worse than the last time. Then a few months ago when going through this yet again I felt the Lord say to me, "Are you just going to stay still and let Me deal with this?" So I decided to stay with the pain and I gave it to Him. I didn't try to escape into my head or off running somewhere else to escape dealing with it. I stayed with Him and my pain and I thought I had done it. I thought we were done. I got a reprieve for a while but then once again, it was back with a vengeance.

An incident happened that was very painful, but instead of facing it, I got depressed and despondent. I was laying on the floor and I asked the Lord what was up with this and then I remembered the painful incident from the day before and the pain hit me and I started crying. "What is up with this Lord" I asked! Then I realized the painful incident once again brought me to my painful childhood issues. Okay, so here I am again! What do I need to do?

HIS ANSWER

I needed to acknowledge little, shameful, rejected, insecure, chubby, shy, frozen Colette that lived inside of me. She is a part of me that I have been disowning for most of my life. She is me! I needed to connect with her. Be there for her! Bring adult Colette and little frozen Colette to the Lord, all together as one! I had disowned her for so long so how could I bring her to the Lord? She wasn't a part of me anymore!

He can't heal those areas that are frozen, disconnected and locked away inside of us. He can of course because He is God, but no matter how many times I gave Him all of me, there was someone I had left behind. If I was disowning little me, how could I bring her to Him for healing? I have to bring all of me to Him to be healed and set free!

I know this may sound crazy, but I have been going through this for years and this has been my process. This is my experience! You might say that God doesn't work like that but He did with me! That is what I know!

I always wondered what it meant that when you see things in others that you don't like it might be that you are seeing something in you that you don't like. Mirroring, I get that now!

Ask the Lord to help you connect with your disowned parts. It might be painful, it probably won't be fun, but it will be worth it! It probably won't be as bad as going through the crazy stuff you keep finding yourself in over and over again!

I know I went through this not only for myself, but also so I can help others find freedom as well! That is why I am sharing it with you, because He loves us and wants us to be free.