NEED FOR APPROVAL

I was looking for a reason to feel good about myself, and I needed to know from you. The problem was when I would get what I needed from someone else, then I would need more of it, and more. Then if the person went away, or they didn’t treat me the way I thought they should, I would fall apart. It is not a pretty sight for an adult to fall apart when she doesn’t get the attention she needs from someone. You see, I had very low self-worth, and I needed someone or something else to help me to feel good about myself, something to fill up that big empty hole inside. I kept trying to get that hole filled up with many things outside of myself. I was frantic to do something special for God, or others so they would find me special. Then I believed I would be okay. Of course that is a lie so, there came a time for me when I hit the wall and I couldn’t do it any longer.

God finally had me in a place where He could do some changes in me! When I came to the end of myself, and my frantic need to be something, I had to let go and let Him do the work in me.

I came to the realization that no matter what someone else said or did to me it didn't have anything to do with who or what I was. My worth was not dependent in any way on someone else at all. The process of letting go of the belief that I needed the approval of someone else to be okay was a slow one, but the more I got it, the more the reality of who lived inside of me became real. The more in touch I became with His presence inside of me, the more I didn’t need anything else at all. My reality became that I didn’t need you or anyone else to tell me who I am, besides the Lord. I didn’t need anything from anyone to feel good about myself.

When I don't need approval or attention to be okay, then I am free to love with His love through me. I loved out of choice and not out of need!

When someone says something nice to me, I can appreciate it without making it be my everything. I don’t make it mean something good or bad. If someone says something mean to me or about me, I don’t make it mean anything either. Neither good or bad comments from others make me who or what I am. An action, or inaction of someone else doesn’t change who I am. I am His, and He is mine. We are good together.

In the process of change when I found myself, and still do at times, making any behavior mean something good or bad, I just had to stop myself and tell myself that I don't know what they are thinking or feeling, so, I will just let that go. I can't know what it means. It doesn’t make me who or what I am. It doesn't change my identity. I am the daughter of the King and no matter what, me and the Lord can handle it together one second at a time. Changing my thinking one thought at a time, one moment at a time while sensing His presence inside.

Worth comes from deep inside. God is deep inside and we are deep inside with Him. Acknowledging to ourselves that we don’t need someone else's attention to be okay, or their approval to be okay changes our self-talk! We can’t get our identity from someone else. One at a time is all we can handle. Deal with one thought or distortion at a time. The big picture is too overwhelming. I stay in the moment with the Lord and deal with problems, thoughts or emotions one at a time. That is where I practice living. There is no better place in all the world than living in the present moment with the Lord, one moment at a time! We walk together all the time. We hold hands on the inside. We are always together!

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